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Post by The Amethyst Dragon on Sat Dec 13, 2008 12:47 pm

Post your jokes here! Only lame jokes allowed in this thread though, and try to keep them PG-13 or lighter so that anybody can read them. Smile

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Post by The Amethyst Dragon on Sat Dec 13, 2008 12:48 pm

Two goldfish are in a tank.

One turns to the other and asks, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

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Post by MannyJabrielle on Sat Dec 13, 2008 1:02 pm

Did you hear about the father shoe?

He was the shoe family's sole support
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Post by Eric of Atrophy on Sat Dec 13, 2008 1:24 pm

Wow. Calling these lame doesn't begin to describe ... it's like looking into a lame hole.

Why don't cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny.
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Post by Svair on Sat Dec 13, 2008 1:37 pm

My dad is infamous for his groaners.

Q: What did the hotdog say when he crossed the finish line?
A: "I'm a wiener!"
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Post by MannyJabrielle on Sat Dec 13, 2008 1:52 pm

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9.
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Post by daveyeisley on Sat Dec 13, 2008 2:57 pm

A guy walks into a bar.

Ouch.
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Post by MannyJabrielle on Sat Dec 13, 2008 3:09 pm

A camel walks into a bar, slaps down a $20 on the bar and orders a beer. The bartender gives the camel a beer and $2 for change and says "Don't see many camels in here."

The camel replies "At these prices, I don't doubt it"
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Post by noofus76 on Sat Dec 13, 2008 6:18 pm

What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves
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Post by daveyeisley on Sat Dec 13, 2008 6:50 pm

What do you get when you cross Darth Vader with an Elephant?

An Elevator.
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Post by Anthroplayer on Sat Dec 13, 2008 6:58 pm

So a dumb adventurer decides to run around naked to get full dexterity bonus to his AC. His party convinces him to wear something if they can get a armor spell cast on him. The spellcaster refuses to cast the spell on him though.

"Wouldn't you rather see him clothed than naked?" says one party member.
"But it is a touch spell!" says the spellcaster.
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Post by MannyJabrielle on Sat Dec 13, 2008 7:02 pm

Where's those rotten tomatoes when you need them?
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Post by Eric of Atrophy on Sat Dec 13, 2008 7:15 pm

What's green and looks like a bucket? A green bucket! Razz
What's brown and sticky? A brown stick! Smile
What's yellow and brown and smells like bannanas? Monkey poop! Laughing
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Post by MannyJabrielle on Sat Dec 13, 2008 7:18 pm

What's black and white and read all over? A news paper.

What's black and white and red all over? A nun after she fell down the stairs.

What did the airhead name her pet Zebra? Spot.
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Post by Svair on Sun Dec 14, 2008 9:56 pm

I tried some of these out with my girls. Eric of Atrophy's joke has been the clear favorite so far.

Eric of Atrophy wrote:Why don't cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny.

My 6 year she rolled here eyes at the "7 - 8 - 9" joke. I've told it too often.
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Post by MannyJabrielle on Sun Dec 14, 2008 10:54 pm

What do you get when you cross a gorilla with a canary?

A bird cage nobody wants to clean.
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Post by The Amethyst Dragon on Sun Dec 14, 2008 10:56 pm

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a rhino?

'El if I know.





What do you feed a 500 pound canary?

Whatever the hell it wants.

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Post by MannyJabrielle on Mon Dec 15, 2008 4:26 pm

Ralph, Bob, and Mike die and find themselves at the fabled pearly gates. St Peter greets them and says "Before I let you boys in, you have to know the one and only rule. Don't step on the ducks"

The three recently departed agree to the rule, and enter into heaven. Upon entering, for as far as they can see, there's ducks. Ducks everywhere. Ducks on the ground, on the chairs, on the trees, just ducks everywhere imaginable. They do their best to move around without stepping on any ducks, and do somewhat alright.

A day passes, and Ralph steps on a duck. St. Peter runs up to Ralph, with a very ugly woman talking incessantly in a shrill voice in tow. St. Peter says "Oh dear, this isn't good. You stepped on a duck. You have to spend the rest of eternity chained to this ugly woman."

Two days later, Bob steps on a duck himself. St. Peter runs up to Bob, with a very obese, wart covered woman in tow. St. Peter tells bob "Oh dear, this isn't good. You stepped on a duck. Now you must spend the rest of eternity chained to this rather copious woman."

The weeks drag on, and Ralph and Bob are miserable with their fate. Then they see Mike passing by, and he's chained to the most gorgeous woman they've ever seen. They call out to Mike "Hey, what did you do to get -that-?"

Before Mike can answer, the beautiful woman snaps "I don't know about you two, but I stepped on a duck".
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Post by The Amethyst Dragon on Mon Dec 15, 2008 5:21 pm

Hey, the one above isn't that lame. I'm not sure it qualifies for this thread. Smile

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Post by MannyJabrielle on Mon Dec 15, 2008 6:12 pm

Um.... Mike stepped on a lame duck *nods* Yeah, that's it.
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Post by The Amethyst Dragon on Mon Dec 15, 2008 6:34 pm

hehe

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Post by daveyeisley on Mon Dec 15, 2008 7:25 pm

A village of idiots are all working together to try and make a
pitcher of Kool-aid, but can't get the job done.

They call up the company and complain that the product is too difficult to make. When asked what the issue was, they reply matter-of-factly that they cannot get *all* that water into such a tiny packet.
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Post by MannyJabrielle on Tue Dec 16, 2008 9:38 pm

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To show the possum it could be done.

What do you call a clone of a police officer?
A copy

What do you call an all police officer orchestra in a Massachusetts?
The Boston Cops.
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Post by Enterprise2001 on Mon Dec 29, 2008 11:38 am

If it's not too late:

A ham sandwich walks into the bar and says, "Gimme a beer."

The bartender replies, "I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to serve food."
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Post by MannyJabrielle on Mon Dec 29, 2008 12:20 pm

What is a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?

A person who stays up all night wondering if there's really such thing as Dog.
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Post by daveyeisley on Mon Dec 29, 2008 6:49 pm

And now for a dirty joke:

A white horse fell in some mud.
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Post by MannyJabrielle on Tue Dec 30, 2008 6:48 pm

What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve?

Auld Fang Syne!
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Post by daveyeisley on Fri Jan 02, 2009 9:41 am

What's the difference between a potato?


Wokka, wokka, wokka!
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Post by Eric of Atrophy on Fri Jan 02, 2009 11:32 am

I think daveyeisley just won this one hands-down. That was terrrrrrrrible!
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Post by daveyeisley on Fri Jan 02, 2009 11:35 am

*patiently awaits the hail of rotten tomatoes*
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Post by MannyJabrielle on Sat Jan 03, 2009 3:43 pm

Fortune Cookie Say....

-- Passionate kiss like spider's web. Soon lead to undoing of fly.

-- Virginity like bubble. One prick, all gone.

-- Man who run in front of car get tired.

-- Man who run behind car get exhausted.

-- Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.

-- Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

-- Man with one chopstick go hungry.

-- Man who scratches butt should not bite fingernails.

-- Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

-- Baseball is wrong -- man with four balls cannot walk.

-- War doesn't determine who is right. War determines who is left.

-- Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
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Post by MannyJabrielle on Thu Jan 15, 2009 3:42 pm

A Russian couple walks down a street in Moscow when the man feels a drop hit his nose.

"I think it's raining," he says to his wife.

"No, that feels like snow to me, dear," she replies.

Just then, a minor communist party official walks towards them.

"Let's not fight about it," the man says. "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."

"It's raining, of course" Comrade Rudolph says and walks on.

But the woman insists, "I know that felt like snow."

To which the man quietly says, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
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