How Many To Change A Lightbulb....

by **MannyJabrielle** Mon Jan 26, 2009 1:29 am

There's one for everybody... post the ones you know!

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How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement. Whereas the party of the first part, also known as 'the lawyers' and the party of the second part, also known as 'the light bulb' do hereby agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (light bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination ofthe area ranging from the front (North) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just through the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (light bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

1. The party of the first part (lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (light bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (light bulb) in a counter clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (light bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (light bulb), notwithstanding the aformentioned failure of the party of the second part (light bulb) to perform the customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (light bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (lawyer) throughout.

2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (light bulb) becomes seperated from the party of the third part ('receptacle'), the party of the first part shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (light bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local, and federal statutes.

3. Once seperation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (lawyer) shall have the option of beginning the installation of the party of the fourth part ('new light bulb'). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse procedures described in step one of this self same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable and only until the party of the fourth part (new light bulb) becomes snug in the party of the third part (receptacle) and in fact becomes the party of the second part (light bulb).

Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (lawyer), by said party of the first part (lawyer), or by his or her heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him or her to do so the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (North) door consistent with maximisation of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as 'The Firm'.

by **daveyeisley** Mon Jan 26, 2009 7:00 pm

How many idiots does it take to change a lightbulb?

Somewhere around 201...

One to hold the light bulb, and the other 200 or so to pick the house up and spin it around.

by **Eric of Atrophy** Mon Jan 26, 2009 8:01 pm

Wait ... I thought the lame joke thread was

that way!

by **MannyJabrielle** Sat Nov 07, 2009 2:11 pm

Q: How many DIY guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 1, but it takes 2 weeks and 5 trips to the hardware store.

Q: How many recovering alcoholics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but it takes twelve steps.

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, that's a hardware problem.

A: One
Q: How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb?

by **Elhanan** Sat Nov 07, 2009 2:16 pm

Q: How many New Yorker's does it take?

A: None o' ya business

Q: How many Ole Miss students does it take?

A: Just one, but he gets 3 hrs credit

by **eeriegeek** Sat Nov 07, 2009 6:03 pm

Q. How many fractal mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Only one, but, good grief! I let him into the house to start working on the bulb, and by the time I got back later that day, the single 110V bulb had changed into a 6 level chandelier, with each level a smaller replica of the previous level...my energy bills are going to kill me!